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Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
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1:12 pm - [Spike] Wah wah wah.
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Yeah, so Cordy bit the big one.
She ain't deady dead people? Hullo? She's got a job she's doing that she just don't need a body for. I'd hardly think that was grounds to go about with long faces.
I don't know if I'll go to her wake. Seems to me the folk that'll be there won't even know how to throw a proper wake. Prolly all be stone sober and nobody celebrating. 'Sides, Passions is on tonight. Dunno if Cordelia'd be happy knowing I missed a new episode. Throws my whole continuity off to miss one.
'Sides, Buffy'll be there. Hate to give her a heart attack. Might be worth it to see the horror on Xanderpuppy's face to know I'm not really dead, tho'. And let's face it! I've got a good thing going on with the Sunnydale crew thinking I sacrificed myself.
'Course, I could drive Angel crazy if I showed up and Buffy was all over me. >=D She'd be all like, 'Oh Spike! You were the only man to ever give me satisfaction! Let's fuck right here on Cordelia's coffin!'. Oh yah, that'd be hot.
'M sure Cordelia wouldn't mind?
...wonder what I should wear?
current mood:  chipper
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1:07 pm - [Xander] - Viewing Cordelia's casket.
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LOCATION: Hyperion in the viewing room
TIME: After Xander talks to Angel
AUTHOR(s): Tammy
Xander's first reaction was to deny it was Cordelia lying in the open casket. This girl had short hair, a pleasant expression on her face and if it was supposed to be Cordy didn't there used to be a mole right there? For a giddy moment he almost believed he was at the wrong funeral! He laughed and quickly turned it into a choked off cough. Angel glanced at him then turned back to greeting. Xander sort of wished he had a drink in his hand.
"So, Cordy..." Xander muttered under his breath, feeling self-concious. "Nice haircut. It sort of makes you look like a boy, you know, minus the boobs and lips and other girly bits about you." He felt wierd having a mumbled conversation with his dead ex girlfriend, but there wasn't really anything else he could do right now. He had things he needed to say. "You know I used to really hate you. Then I really loved you. Then I felt really guilty over you. Then I felt sorry for you. And finally, I was worried for you because L.A. is a big city and you weren't used to doing for yourself and well, dating Angel is never the smartest thing to do. Yeah, so how did that happen anyways? Unless, you know, he was a sugar daddy? I could see that then."
He glanced quickly at the next people in line. They were waiting a respectful distance away but the guy was looking impatient. Xander didn't recognize either of them. He gave them a nervous smile and turned back to Cordelia's casket.
"Um, yeah... I keep waiting for you to give me hell because I wore brown socks with a blue suit and black shoes. Or you know, maybe my eye patch is tacky. Maybe you wouldn't have? Maybe you changed that much? I guess the Cordy I'm saying good-bye to is the one that left Sunnydale after graduation. I don't really know the L.A. you and what your new dreams were and it sort of kills me to say that Angel knew you better than I did in the end."
His nose began to run and he realized tears were starting too. His eye patch was already damp. He had to wrap up before he made a complete ass of himself. "I just hope you get that pony you always wanted w-wherever you are now."
Someone had thoughtfully placed a box of tissues by the exit. Xander grabbed a couple and went to find himself a nice quiet place to cry.
current mood:  sad
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| Thursday, March 25th, 2004
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2:33 pm - Xander: I am pirate sex god
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Hi. My name is Xander and I am an amputee. Well, I am missing an eye. Normally this would make me alcoholic with depression. But I have discovered the following things:
1. Chicks dig bad boys and having a genuine need for an eyepatch is bad
2. Curiousity is a great ice breaker. Chicks wanna see what's under the eyepatch
3. Sympathy sex
I try to ignore the small population of skull fuckers out there who have shrines dedicated to my apparently pleasurable eyesocket... I really hate it when they send me fan mail. Or stories they've written about what they'd like to do to me...
I was thinking about getting a glass eye. I could do the Marilyn Manson thing and get a bright blue eye or something! But then I'd only be able to score with goth chicks and I'd like to keep the field a bit more open. Not that there is anything wrong with goth girls! It's just.. if I am going to run into a gal who wants to do it to my eye socket it will probably be a goth girl. I'm just saying...
Things I miss most about having two eyes:
1. Depth perception: My legs are black and blue and playing baseball just isn't the same when I keep getting smacked in the face by the ball
2. I am now unable to hypnotize people
3. Peripheral vision
4. HAVING TWO EYES! >=0
However, I am nothing if not inventive. I could always store change in my socket. Maybe add a zipper to the eyelids so it won't all fall out whenever I bend over to tie a shoe. Or in a blackout I could stick a candle in my eyesocket. If a girl I know is wearing an uuuuugly shirt I could put jello in my socket and tell her she melted my eye with her uuuugly shirt.
BUT I'M NOT DEPRESSED! Oh no! NOT XANDER THE PIRATE! ARRRR!
but i could use another beer...aaah beer... my non-judging, non-skullfucking friend...
current mood:  blah
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